What the Lion Has Been Trying to Teach Me

I've been wondering why lions have been appearing to me over the last year. I'm not one who usually sees lions. I suppose I like lions, but I've never felt particularly connected to them.

It started around last February. Each time I meditated or scryed into a crystal, trying to connect with my spirit guides, at least one lion would appear in my mind's eye. I had no idea what it could mean.

I looked up everything I could about lions, metaphysical and zoological as well. I watched several documentaries. I bought a little stuffed lion and used a lion screen-saver, trying to tap into "lion energy," hoping a message would somehow come through to explain the appearances.

I certainly learned a lot about lions! I watched for signs in the behavior of the documentary lions or a story in the films that I could relate to. I felt for resonance in articles and books on lions. I slept with my stuffed lion and stared into the eyes of the lion on my desktop. His expression was impossible to read and was starting to make me a bit uncomfortable.

I took several stabs at explanations. The concept of "strength" seemed important. Did I need to be more aggressive in some area of my life? Perhaps I needed to feel "pride" in something? Should I be getting a little more sun? Maybe I needed to contribute more to a community or was it that I needed to “hunt” for something, perhaps with a group? Was it time for me to roar? At different times, each possibility seemed true in some way. Yet, none of them seemed like the real reason for so many lions appearing so many times. I keep seeing lions when I meditate, but lately I've sort of given up on trying to figure out what it's all about.

Today, I was doing my usual daily reading using my Ludy Lescot Tarot. It was going fine, looking pretty good actually. Then, I laid down the last card. The Devil! Ugh! Now what??? Was I going to overindulge in something like I did the last time I got The Devil card and couldn't put down the carton of Denali Bear Claw ice cream? Is there some addiction I have that I need to acknowledge? Again, ice cream comes to my mind. I couldn't possibly be in bondage to someone or something at the moment and not realize it, could I? I really didn't see how. Looking at the image, I wondered if maybe I was going to have some kind of wild night?

As I sat there looking at the Devil card. It just wasn't making sense to me.

A couple days ago, I got a great deal on a deck that had been on my wishlist for a long time, the Osho Zen Tarot which I've been getting to know this week. I've only studied a couple of the cards so far and have been really delighted by its perspective on Tarot. So I figured, what the heck, and I reached for the guidebook to that deck. I looked up card #15, The Devil card, but in the Osho Zen it's called “Conditioning.” Hmmm... I took out the deck and looked at the card. That's when my mind was officially blown.

From the Osho Zen Tarot guidebook:
“The card recalls an old Zen story, about a lion who was brought up by sheep and thought he was a sheep, until an old lion captured him and took him to a pond, where he showed him his own reflection.”

The book goes on to say: “It's time to take a look at your own reflection in the pond, and make a move to break out of whatever you have been conditioned by others to believe about yourself.”

It also talked about not playing it safe and cozy like a sheep, but rather to be the individual that the lion is, and being dedicated to freedom, rather than being obedient.

I read it again and it hit me like a ton of bricks!

You see, at the moment I am "between jobs." For the first time in over ten years, I don't have a steady "day job." I'm just not used to it yet, but I'm working on it. I know a lot of folks are going through the same thing especially in this economy, but it just feels weird. I suppose I'm a little more than stressed over it. I've been actually breaking out in hives!

It's like I go from feeling incredibly optimistic about the future... to really uncertain. When I do readings on this transition for myself I keep getting The Fool card or an oracle message to “Trust the Universe.” It kind of makes me worry that I'm going to somehow do something careless like the Fool stepping off a cliff. “Anything is possible” is not what I want to hear right now. Being reminded that it's a "new beginning" doesn't feel all that helpful either. I want the sure bet. I want my readings to say "call ____" or “apply for ____ job.” And it feels like all that's coming thru is the "____" part. I keep chanting to myself “I trust the universe”... while crossing my fingers.

On the one hand, I'm excited about not having to answer to a boss right now or punch an imaginary clock. I finally have the opportunity to follow my heart and create the life I really want!

But, on the other hand, I'm nagged by the idea that I've never really felt wholly in charge of me or my time before. Have I grown dependent on having someone to answer to and having a salary? That sounds lame. But, could it be true?

It dawned on me that throughout my life I've been continually “conditioned.” As a child, as a soldier, in my career – it's always been about carving out a tiny bit of freedom to be myself within everyone else's world: The world of the farm I grew up on with it's early to bed, early to rise, muck out the stalls, and tend the fields; the world of the Army and it's reveille at o'dark-thirty, marching in formation, and constant performance ratings; and the worlds of the divas I've worked for with their incessant demands, crazy hours and eternal just-one-more-things.

After the deluge of these thoughts had filled my brain, I turned on my netbook and I gazed at my desktop lion for awhile. Then, I had a good cry. I finally understood the look in his eyes. He's been saying, “It's time to be you!” This time the message feels true.

The Synchronicities of Embracing Destiny

The first major synchronicity I noticed since going pro as a tarot reader was that almost all I get is relationship/love questions. This surprised and slightly disappointed me at first. "Who am I to consult on matters of the heart?" I thought. In one quick convulsion, I felt a slight twinge of repulsion, a spike of attraction and a nauseous confusion toward the prospect. "Hey," I said, hoping the Universe would respond. I plead, "I'm an all-purpose reader. Ask me about careers and transitions, life purpose or what's coming up in the next six months. Remember, I actually love to do those "general readings" that other readers seem to dread." But, I did not get a response. Not even crickets.

So, I put those feelings aside and meditated and prayed for "good clients" who would ask "good questions" and thereupon set my intention. Still, every subsequent reading revolved around the same topic. "Did I not meditate enough? Were my prayers not heard?" I wondered. Finally I decided to give myself a reading. Using my favorite oracle decks, I called upon the Angels, Ascended Masters, Goddesses, Unicorns, and my higher self to answer my question. "What can I do to make my Tarot business a success?" (I felt it was a conflict of interests to ask one of my Tarot decks this question.)

The answer from the cards knocked me over. They told me I was a "lightworker sent here to teach about love." And, that I needed to share the lessons my experiences of love had taught me in order to help others. The cards reminded me as they tend to do, that I was with my Twin Flame now and that our journey of discovering, recognizing, and bonding was a master class in love. The cards also brought up my early explorations of love and told me that these had prepared me for this relationship. That my relationships with family and friends, bosses and co-workers, and even with strangers had each given me a lesson in the many manifestations of love. Essentially, the cards were saying that indeed I was the right person for this job. After I thanked the cards and put them away I just sat there for awhile. Thinking. Rejecting. Contemplating. Accepting.

After finally embracing this middle destiny, I immediately started to worry. "Well, if I am to be a 'love reader,' I need the perfect 'Love Deck'." I scoured Aeclectic.net and Amazon.com. "C'mon," I said out loud, "Where are you 'Perfect Love Deck'?" This was not the first time I had conducted this search.  Already I had read the reviews of all the relationship-focused decks I could find. There wasn't anything newer than what I had perused.

The closest to what I felt I needed was the out-of-print Tarot of Love. I once thought I had found it on amazon.  Cheap too. $9.99.  "Whoopee!" But, I was bummed out to find out I had just bought the book instead. But, my mistake was a fairy gift, really. The book explained the system upon which the deck was based.  The system can be used with any deck. I played with the system for a few weeks. I did not feel a connection. "Oh well, guess I don't need that deck after all," I told myself. Although, I certainly wouldn't pass it by should I ever find it on a store's shelf. (I love the artwork.)

In the meantime, I kept using my "go-to gal," Ludy Lescot Tarot, for questions, Love and all. But, I was noticing an almost sort of reluctance at the beginning of my readings, once the matter had been stated. Ludy seemed less and less interested in working with me on relationship readings. The wisdom she would impart was becoming rather harsh. I'd soften her blows on the phone with my clients. Trying to translate her terse wisdom into healing and helpful words.  After all, I am here to empower my clients, not make them cry. "Ludy! That's not a nice way to put it...even if it is true." I scolded. But, I got her message loud and clear. "Hurry up and find your 'Perfect Love Deck' so I don't have to deal with this stuff. Once in awhile is fine, but it's really not my gig," she was saying.

I had to find it. Ludy needed a break. One day, without planning to, I happened to find myself in the vicinity of my favorite metaphysical shop, The Green Man. I went in looking to make some new crystal friends. With a sparkling handful I headed for the register. As the really cool lady who works there was ringing me up, I checked out the decks on the display behind her. I remember giggling as the lyric "looking for love in all the wrong places," played in my mind. I was looking for "love" or "relationship" in the Tarot titles. There were a few, but none that I felt attracted to. And then, glowing blue and gorgeous was The Goddess Tarot. That was it! I just knew. Who better to advise on love than the Goddesses?

I took the deck home. Then I cleansed, connected and dedicated them in the name of Love. During our get-to-know-each-other time, I discovered (because I started my spring cleaning early this year) that I had over the years purchased several books about goddesses which were buried in the back room in boxes and forgotten, including one actually titled, 'Gods and Goddesses in Love'. (Lately I'm finding that the things I think I need are things I have merely forgotten I have.) So I started reading these books to learn more about the Goddesses in my deck. I'm glad I did, it's made my comprehension of the cards that much deeper. I'm reading "Summoning the Fates" right now -- I don't know how in the world I could have had this amazing book and never read it before.

Finally, I decided to use the Goddess deck in a reading for a client who had a relationship question. To my delight, the cards welcomed the question and started enthusiastically chatting away, telling me Herstory and History and offered wise, loving advice on what the client could do and should expect in the situation. The reading went fabulously. I felt a rush of something warm, I felt like I was glowing. It felt.. well, it felt like love. I think the client even felt it too! Afterward, I thanked my cards profusely.

That evening, while I was kicking back and browsing the web, I checked my email and discovered that I had two unexpected emails. From two different people from two different websites that I belong to. Each email was an invitation to join a special group of readers on each respective site. And both of these groups was dedicated to... what else... "Love and Relationship Readings." (Okay, Universe, I'm listening now!) I gratefully clicked "Accept" with all my heart on both.

Tonight: Tarot Dactyl Experience Show Spooktacular

Tune in 10PM PST Tonight to The Tarot Dactyl Experience on NAPPN TV. In celebration of the Halloween I will be exploring and giving free readings with the Ludy Lescot Tarot and The Oracle of Shadows and Light in the chatroom. It's going to be spooktacular!